Sports Fan Rule #5

Dear Fans,

Yes I realize we are jumping out of order, but this one just came to me recently. Countless citizens in DC are unhappy because their Caps are still out enjoy the weather rather than playing hockey. It's understandable, you've invested all your energy into a team that chokes worse than a baby eating peanuts.

However, what bothers me is the view that these fans are cheering for the Canadiens. Let me introduce you to Rule #5.

Rule 5.1 for Fans: "Under no circumstance is it acceptable to cheer for the team that just eliminated yours"

Here's the reasoning. Your heart has just been broken (or should have been at least), and it takes awhile to heal. There's no way you should be hoping for that team to win anything. You should wish the worst on them. You should hope for countless injuries and their bus breaking down near the SouthEast region of DC (think East Liberty for your Pittsburgh folks).

By cheering for this team, it's the real life equivalent of having your engagement broken off, and within the next week jumping into a serious relationship. It's called a "rebound" and it's empty, shallow, and in the end unfulfilling.

The argument of "I'd be ok with losing to the Champion" is also ridiculous, especially this early in the playoffs. You lost in the first round!! This "Champion" still had to beat 3 other teams. Using this logic, you could perhaps argue you're the 5th best team. If that's what you'd like, then congratulations!!

Talk about settling.....

Sincerely,

the Caesar of Sports