Cereal Killer

I'm thinking of changing my nickname to this. I know you can't make up your own nickname, because it'll never stick. But honestly, there are only two other people in the world who I imagine consume more cereal than I do. One is an old roommate of mine (I'll give you the hint, his name rhymes with Lee), and the other is Tony the Tiger.

I'm not sure if it's possible, but I truly believe I have an addiction to it and there's no one to blame but my parents for feeding it haha.

You see, growing up we had a rule that if you were consuming/inhaling a sugary cereal (Frosted Flakes/Honey Nut Cheerios/etc), you had to mix it with a healthy one. This way you had equal parts Frosted Flakes to Corn Flakes, or Cocoa Krispies to Rice Krispies. This system worked because not only did it make that sugary delight last twice as long, but it also aided in my early years' diet. You may think I'm joking, but I've received boxes of cereal for my birthday multiple times. I was that big of a fan.

However, once I graduated from high school and was left to my own vices, the addiction grew. In college, with no one there to keep me in check, I started consuming multiple bowls of the "breakfast crack". Frosted Flakes didn't stand a chance. I'd tear through a box in two days. Sometimes having it twice a day.

It's a dangerous trend that continues today. I can't get enough of this stuff. It's gotten so bad I've started to smuggle in zip-lock bags of Frosted Mini-Wheats to work to feed this addiction. I can't stop!!

After a recent conversation with Gigs, he explained how 90% of cereals have no nutritional value, to which I had no retort. You see, when you're an addict, you know it's wrong, but it's impossible to quit or reason with one about it. There's just something about that perfect blend of sugar to wheat. Like peanut butter & jelly, the Caps & losing, and Ben Roethlisberger & underage women, they're all just meant to be together.

The grocery stores have gotten too expensive for my tastes and thus have forced me to find other avenues to purchase my weekly supply. The big Red Bullseye, is my new vendor. Their own brand of cereal is just as good for $1 less. I've been told to try and eat oatmeal instead, but I end up piling brown sugar into it, and it still won't compare.

I've tried to stop, but I wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmares of Dig'em and the "sun-tanned" versions of Snap, Crackle & Pop.

As I write this, I've polished off another 1/2 cup of Frosted Mini Wheats, and all I can keep thinking about is when can I get my next fix. Sure, laugh if you want, but all I can tell you is that they're GRRRRRRRREEEEEEEAT!