Pittsburgh on the mind

So first Big Ben goes down via his "throwin picks and abusin chicks" route, then Byron Leftwich has a sprain of his ACL. Next thing you know, everyone in Pittsburgh is panicking over their QB situation. My question to you is why??

Listen, we all knew Ben would only be out 4 games. We (the Steelers) had to escape those first four weeks with a 2-2 record. With the defense we used to have, this was easily manageable. From the day Ben shoved that girl into the bathroom, I wondered aloud, why don't we draft a young QB for the future, and have Charlie Batch fill in while Ben's out?

Charlie is and has been one of the best back-up QBs in the league. Sure, is isn't exactly the picture of durability, but when he does play, he wins. This guy was a starting QB for more than half of his career, back when Detroit was at least an average team. He's been with the Steelers since their first Super Bowl win of the decade. He knows the offense in and out. Yet, the coaching staff this summer treated him terribly. They kept him around, but yet never mentioned him being in the running for the starting job. He's the elephant in the room, they're hoping if they ignore long enough will just go away. Poor Charlie, he's always been there like a good neighbor, and now he gets to see Steelers management grovel at his feet.

With Leftwich out, there's no way you can start Dennis Dixon for a few weeks and hope for the best. The guy is a poor man's Pat White (former WVU QB), who himself was a poor man's Kordell Stewart. You know where a guy like that gets you? 0-4 or maybe 1-4. Too young, too inexperienced. I say ride Batch unless his legs fall off. If he gets hurt, he went down in a Blaze of Glory (cue Bon Jovi). Batch can manage games and even win them. Look no further than the two preseason games he's played in. Came into the game with no warm-up and calmly led them on scoring drives both times. I don't like how we got to this situation, but it's the ending we need.

Next on my Pittsburgh list is the Penguins. So they just signed former Edmonton Oiler, Mike Comrie, to a $500K/yr deal. This is definitely a bargain as Comrie as recent as two years ago was a 20-goal scorer. In addition, he also has managed to score Hilary Duff aka Lizzie McGuire. Nice going Pens! $500K for both a 20-goal scorer and Duff? I'll take that deal any day of the week. Now I can move back to Pittsburgh, impress Duff with whatever skills I have left and make it to Hollywood. At worst I'll settle for the more talented sister, Haylie.

Game. Set. Match. Time to put this plan in action.


Now if we could only somehow trade for Mike Fisher, we'd get Carrie Underwood too.