NHL 30 IN 30: BOSTON BRUINS - Does a Bear Sh*t in the Woods?

Killer B fans!!: I'd like to personally welcome you to the 2012-13 season for your Boston Bruins! The Bruins organization has had a pretty quiet offseason, after being knocked out in the first round by the Washington Capitals. Some would call this being complacent, but I say, how can you argue with success? We've kept the same team in tact for the past two years, which has led to 2 Division Titles and one Stanley Cup victory!! (remember that??). 2012 will bring about the return of a few familiar faces who have been out with injuries for several months. Nathan Horton, Adam McQuaid, and possibly Marc Savard, will all be returning to the Bruins line-up. In addition to their returns, we've added "Teach Me How to" Dougie Hamilton to our already elite defensive corp. Dougie (fun name to say right?) is 6 foot 5 inches tall, and will be paired with Captain "Big Z" Zdeno Chara, to form the most physically imposing defensive pair ever. In addition these two will be accepting bookings by the WWF (tag-team name: H.a.m.Z.) and if you need those hard to reach ceilings cleaned. Sophomore phenom Tyler Seguin is ready for a break-out year, as he will be named to the starting center position. Tyler has displayed tremendous growth in his game, and quieted most complaints regarding the trade of Phil Kessel. We are pleased to announce that we have signed Coach Claude Julien to a multi-year contract to provide the stability we need behind the bench. Cam Neely will remain in his current position as Team President, basically because he scares the living bejeezus out of myself and other teams. In addition we'd like to congratulate long-time Bruin, Adam Oates on his new head coaching position with the aforementioned Washington Capitals and induction into the hockey Hall of Fame. If we happen to meet the Capitals again in the playoffs, we'll be sure to send Cam down to have a word with you before the game. Finally, I'd like to address the rumors concerning Tim Thomas. As you all may be aware, Timmy has decided to sit out the upcoming 2012-13 season, to spend more time with his family and take some much needed mental health days. It was incorrectly reported that President Obama exported Mr. Thomas to jungles of Congo, though ironically we have been unable to reach Timmy since his announcement. Many of you have expressed concerns over not only his comments to the President of the United States, but his sanity as well. The Bruins organization has taken note of the fact he has become increasingly insane, in correlation with the growth of his beard. Before he returns, we simply ask Timmy to shave that beard and see a councilor about talking to the goal posts. Again we'd like to welcome you, the fans, to the 2012-13 season. Be sure to attend our Fan Fest on October 1st, and renew your seats for the 2013-14 season. Please do not make us send Brad Marchand to your homes to annoy the heck out of you until you give him. Of course we're only kidding (not really, we can't stand to have him around the rink anymore). Sincerely, - Team Owner Jeremy Jacobs.