Moving on.....

Sports and relationships....not only is this what I mostly write about, the two actually share a lot in common.

The key difference is, every year in sports you start over. It's basically starting a brand new relationship each year.

In the beginning, when becoming a fan, you always look for a team that'll bring you joy in watching them perform every week. You cheer them on hoping every year is the one. The one to bring you to the promised land. Some seasons start undefeated (no arguments) and the anticipation builds. However, you'll receive commentary from friends, sportswriters, whoever, that'll jinx the season, by mentioning how great everything is going. It's a well known rule during a no-hitter, you don't discuss the no-hitter. The same rule should apply for relationships. When it's going well, don't bring up how great it is.

If you and your team's performance is consistent enough, you qualify for the post-season. You can equate this to whatever you'd like, serious relationship, sex, marriage, whatever floats your boat.

With every season/relationship you know there can only be one winner. Sometimes the elimination comes quickly and painless. Many times you can see it coming when you're faced with a tough match-up. Other times it's a huge upset, when no One saw it coming. Those are often times the most difficult to deal with. You question everything that's happened. You're inconsolable. Every highlight you watch reminds you of the potential things had months ago. Most people will throw on some Metallica, get drunk, or find the easiest team to cheer for, to cope with the heartache.

As everyone has learned, you eventually get through it. You look at yourself and your team, make some trades, spend money during the free agency period, and gear up for that next season and relationship. It's a brutal process, but so rewarding when the perfect season comes along.

However, there are those people/teams that just keep going through heartbreak after heartbreak. These are the teams I like to label as providing "stomach-punches". It's akin to your friend who just goes from one abusive relationship to the next. You're quietly thinking, "damn, how much worse can it get?", but somehow it does. You gotta give credit to them b/c they keep enduring it season after season.

Look out there at the examples, the city of Philadelphia had it the worst for the past 20 years, until the Phillies went back-to-back in the World Series. Now, Cleveland and Washington hold that distinctive title. You wanna sit down with them and tell them it'll be ok, but you secretly knew all along how things would turn out.

They were so excited at having a great team. What they didn't realize is their team/relationship lacked overall depth because they couldn't look past the physical appearance.

It happens all the time. My advice is to not base your fan-dom or relationships on appearance. It'll always end badly. Just because your team scores the most points (great looks), they may lacked defense (personality). If you can take anything away from this column, it's that defense wins championships. Just think about that comparison for a second. It's scary how true it is, but you never want to admit it.

If you see a friend cheering for a hopeless team, maybe introduce them to a new one. They'll thank you later when they've celebrated multiple championships.

Feel free to make whatever comparison to championships you'd like....just keep it PG-rated because kids are reading this.

Yo mama....

Jeff Ireland.

If you ever get an interview confirmation with this man's name on the email, you may want to avoid that job.

As reported by Yahoo Sports, apparently during an NFL pre-draft interview, Jeff Ireland dropped the biggest insult on a top prospect. Just imagine this scenario if you will. You're in an interview for a government job, they've delved into your past. The recruiter has asked you questions about how you'd deal with stress such as:

"Mike, tell us about a time where you were confronted by a superior and the end result".

This is a typical behavioral question, to see how well you handle these situations or how fast you can lie about one. Now perhaps for jobs such as the CIA or FBI you'll experience the mind games where, you'll ACTUALLY be submerged in a stressful situation, so they can gauge your reaction.

However, would you ever expect this from any "corporate" recruiter. After being asked about your greatest accomplishment, he hits you with this one:

"Mike, Is your mother a prostitute?"

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? This actually happened.

The Miami Dolphins General Manager "GM", asked Dez Bryant this stunning question. Ok, so Dez has had character issues, he gets his advice from Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin, but does that mean you can ask anything you want?

I cannot ever see a situation where this is ok. Even the FBI recruiter is thinking "Damn man, that's low".

If you were close to your mom at all, would you not be tempted to either curse the guy out right there or go Mike Tyson on him? I would not have blamed Dez one bit if he did react that way.

The Dolphins have quickly tried to cover it up by explaining it was asked to see how'd Dez would react. Somehow I don't believe that's a standard question to all players. Everyone has to deal with stress at work, athletes deal with trash talk all the time. I have to imagine there are other ways to put them in a stressful situation during a formal interview. For that to be asked by an Executive of a company is unheard of and completely out of line.

So the warning is out there if Jeff Ireland doesn't get fired. Next time you're interviewing for that Manager position, you better prepare yourself for this one:

"I heard yo mama so nasty, that she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh."

"Is it true?"

Paying for the extra baggage

This has nothing to do with the airline industry and everything to do with us. Us as people, as adults, as the next generation.

In prior generations (our parents) would date a few people before finding and settling down with that one person. Did they take the risk of missing out or perhaps something greater? Yes, I'm sure many did. For all they knew, there was no one better out there. They found someone who fit 7 or 8 outta 10 traits they were looking for, everyone approved, and wa-lah. However, a lot has changed from our parents generation and the numbers don't lie.

Since 1970 the percentage of married people has decreased from 71.7% of adults (18 yrs or older) to 60.3%. In the same time, the divorce rate has tripled from 3.2% to 9.5%.

Judging off the data, everyone is seemingly more picky about settling down and finding that one person. This is a great thing, since no one should really "settle for less", however it also leads to one problem in return. Less marriage, means more dating, and more dating equals jumping from relationship to relationship.

This effects everyone we know like a disease being spread. With each relationship one is involved in, they acquire and leave with more baggage like a cheap game show parting gift. Whether you end it or you get left, the baggage builds. Every relationship has some effect and leaves its scars.

I'm sure you're thinking right now, "I don't have any issues, I've gotten over every relationship I've been in". I'm here to say you're wrong. You probably see it in all your friends, but you need to realize they see it in you as well. They all question the actions of other male and females, due to an experience they had with prior exs. Unfortunately, you never truly find out about the baggage someone else has, until you're months or years into the relationship.

What's makes matters worse, is the people's penchant to jump from relationship to relationship like in a game of Frogger. Sure it seems easy at first, but as you advance (in age and experience) it'll only get more difficult.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, you may think by passing up that person who fits 7 out of the 10 traits you're looking for may be a good thing, but in the end you're just increasing your own difficulty level. The baggage will weigh you down, and jumping out of the way of that speeding car labeled loneliness, won't be so easy. Maybe we should all start thinking about what type of baggage we're looking for in a person.

Personally? I'd prefer the Halliburton type of woman. You know they've been through a lot and yet still can be thrown around.


Editor's Note: Just kidding, I'd never advocate that type of violence.

Dilemma

No I'm not talking about the Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland song from a few years back. This is a moral dilemma I'm faced with.

It appears by the end of this weekend we'll know the match-ups for the Eastern Conference semi-finals in hockey. Right now, barring any monumental comeback, it'll be the Boston Bruins vs the Pens, and Caps vs Philadelphia Flyers.

That second match-up scares me. Somehow, the powers that be, thought it'd be funny putting two teams I despise against each other.

As much as I want to see a Caps vs Pens match up again (assuming we get past a resurgent Boston team), so we can tear out their hopes and dreams, a Pittsburgh vs Philly final could be amazing as well. Hold it in Beaver Stadium (Penn State's stadium) and I guarantee 90,000 people would show up.

I haven't been this torn on the lesser of two evils since 2004. Back then, it was the decision to vote for either Bush or Kerry. I'll admit that I was a Republican back then, but after the first four years, I couldn't possibly support a Bush re-election. All the Dems had to do was put up a functional monkey, even Bubbles the Chimp, and they would have ran away with it.

Instead they choose John Kerry, who couldn't even decide if he preferred Pepsi or Coke. His wife being Teresa Heinz-Kerry, the type of woman who would be showcased on a Real Housewives of Pittsburgh. I mean this has to be one of the biggest busts in political history. Even Bush was surprised. This was why he had no agendas ready for 2004-2008, he figured there was NO CHANCE, he'd get re-elected after the crapshoot of a job he performed.

I was ready to switch sides at that point to the Dems. After I saw what they offered up and basically rolled over, I decided to wait a few more years and stick with the G-Dubya train. As the saying goes, "better the evil you know, than the evil you don't know".

Therefore, following this sage advice, I will have to cheer on the Flyers to absolutely brutalize and wear down the Caps. The Flyers are a physical team, who surprisingly took down Buffalo with ease. The Caps are a high flying, free-floating offensive powerhouse. This should make for a nice clash of playing styles. The real question will be whose inexperienced goalie will hold up the best.

Either way we'll come out a winner, neither team will get through that series unscathed and that's all we can hope for.

Age of Innocence

In a recent conversation with a friend, we discussed the line where people go from being 20-somethings to adults. The conversation wasn't so much of a pleasant one, but more along the line of "what the hell happened to us?"

They never tell you at what age you officially become an adult. Sure, at age 16 you could get your driver's license and in most states, stay out till midnight. At age 18, you can buy cigarettes, go to Strip Clubs, and stay out past that curfew. At 21, you can drink legally, and drive home drunk (just kidding, I would never advocate this). Somewhere between the age of 13 to 40, you start to have sex, fall in love, and shed the skin of having "fake" friends, not necessarily in that order.

It seems somewhere in your 20's you officially make the realization that you can't be staying out till 3 am on weekends and having 10+ drinks a night (Aaron will contest this). Before you know it you're in a serious relationship and thinking about the future. Literally, this transformation from college-minded drunk, to "family-man" happens within a few months. It's scary...I know.

There is some switch that goes off. Seemingly for guys its a bit more natural, as opposed to women who can have theirs forcibly flicked to the "on" position, due to the maturation of all their friends. This refers to the phenomenon known in some circles as the "Lemmings" theory. This is a reference to an old-school video game, where the point was to get a giant gang of Lemmings to follow the actions of the one leader. Unfortunately, if he fell off the cliff, all the others followed.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, eventually breaks down any independent woman, and the switch happens. You see it all the time, one person gets into a relationship and 10 more follow. One breaks up, and the others question their relationships.

My question is, can that button ever be switched back? I personally equate this situation to skydiving. The idea always gets tossed around. Then one day you finally settle on actually doing it. Once you get up there, two things will happen. One, you crap the bed and want to head back to solid ground where things were "safe". This leads to the infamous, "I'm not where you are or I'm not ready for a serious commitment scenario". Also known as, it's not you it's me.

The other option is, two, you blindly leap out of the plane in an exhilarating fashion. This will either lead to the biggest rush in your lifetime (great success!) or you crashing into a million pieces (much like your heart).

I remember a year ago, having a group of 10-15 people going out every weekend, all of us having that switch in the "off" position. Here we are a year later, and out of those 10 people, I'd say 6 flicked it to the "on" position. I admittedly was one, but now am stuck either in "off" or "out of order". Looking back, the turnover rate is astonishing.

It's like Dane Cook once wisely said, ...."When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...(sigh) "I wasn't invited to this party." But then, once you're IN love, that's like being inside that party, going "Where's my jacket? I wanna get outta here. where's my jacket? I been to this party six years and I wanna see other parties! Where's my jacket. Someone shit on the coats. I think someone shit on, about, or around the coats."

That boy has gone crazy

I believe it was Dennis Leary who said, "whatever happened to people just being crazy?"

The American Psychiatric Association has defined over 400 mental disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mental_disorders_as_defined_by_the_DSM_and_ICD). With each passing year, more and more are added to this list.

I do believe many of them have some fundamental and educational basis to stand on. However, there are several types of disorders that only seem like more extreme everyday mood swings. Someone who is clinically diagnosed as "depressed" may just be really sad over some life event. This normal over-diagnosis usually isn't a problem, however when it is used as a crutch in everyday learning situations or crimes, that's where it becomes dangerous.

In school, some kids were unable to grasp concepts and thus fell behind to due their inability to educate themselves at the same pace of 90% of the class. Back then we simply diagnosed it as "stupidity". Over the years more "disabilities" have been discovered. Parents have become aware of this, and instead blame their shortfalls as a parent to keep their children focused on homework at home on their child's new found "learning disability".

Don't get me wrong and don't go all liberal on me, I DO believe there are several thousands of people out there with actual disabilities or diseases that hinder their brain development and intelligence. However, this is the way the world works. Some people are born to be super-geniuses, and others are born to greet at Wal-Mart. That's just the way it is. It's no different that being born short.

Does being short prevent me from participating in many life activities that are otherwise available to those over 6 feet tall? Undoubtedly yes. But you know what, once you come to terms with this realization that we all can't be born and bred the same way, you move on!



On the flip side is a "recent" newsstory about Mark Becker (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/24/ed-thomas-iowa-football-c_n_220184.html).

Mark was a disgruntled former student athlete under the tutelage of Ed Thomas, his high school football coach. Becker, one afternoon, went into the school's weight room and shot Ed Thomas (football coach) 6 times in cold blooded murder. After being questioned by authorities about his motive, he said, "The Devil told me to do it, that he was evil, and the only way to save the other kids, was to kill him".

Righteously, the jury convicted him of first-degree murder. However, the defense argued Mark Becker was insane at the time and suffered from Schizophrenia. To me that defense sounded nothing more than Mark realizing his life was basically over after killing someone and reached for an excuse to save him from jail time. It happens all the time, but this is the most recent case I've come across while watching the news.

It's unbelievable and only makes me believe even less in these clinically diagnosed disorders.

That's just my thought, but maybe I'm the one with schizotypal personality disorder.

Does Obamacare cover this?

Weekend Rumblings

I know my train of thought already wanders enough for most to be confused by it, but here's some random food to munch on...

* The news coming out of Coachella music festival was that Faith No More put on an amazing reunion show. It would have been great to see Jay-Z pair up with them instead of LCD Soundsystem. Faith No More was the original "rap/rock" type band, but I hate classifying them as such, because they are so much more. Mike Patton (lead singer) may have one of the most maniacal shows in the business, but can do so because of his amazing vocal range. I'd highly recommend checking out FNM's greatest hits (Who Cares a lot?). The cover of "Easy (like Sunday Morning)" is quite entertaining.

* In speaking with Gigs, I've found that on Match.com profiles, those that say "Loyalty is a MUST", just screams "I've been cheated on and am a bit paranoid about it".

* Caps fans can now rest easy and they no longer can scream about how the NHL is against them. The amount of calls they received Saturday night was ungodly, most of which occurred during the act of scoring their 4 comeback goals. Running into the goalie is now acceptable along with the Refs not calling for a freeze on the play when a goalie clearly has it covered.

* Bicycle riders in DC need to make up their mind. Either sidewalk or street. When I'm walking they seemingly take over the sidewalk, while driving they weave through traffic with reckless abandonment, you'd think they were on a suicide watch.

* Heard an interesting story Saturday from a bartender who said he was dating this girl for 6 months and she had a license plate "Pr1ncess". He was shocked when after the 6 months she approached him with concerns about him not buying her anything recently. Really? you were shocked? I know women check out guys; shoes, eyes, teeth, hair, in some order. If I were him, the first things I'm looking at are license plates, pictures up around her place, and the way she dresses for any clues towards craziness.

* The NFL Draft is now going PRIMETIME! Now millions of Americans will utilize words such as "upside", "coachable", "sleeper", and "bust" in their daily lives. Can't you just imagine, during your next break-up speech, "I'm sorry baby, this relationship had such a high upside, but ultimately through your actions recently, I'm gonna have to label you a bust." Best of luck in free agency.

* Best places to find those "sleeper" picks in women: bookstores and gym.

* Worst place to find "coachable" women, women's rights discussion groups.

* I'm not sure which MAJOR newsstory in the past week has been less shocking, Ricky Martin coming out or Goldman Sachs being accused of fraudulent activity by the SEC.

REALLY??

* Is it me or is the Volcano smoke story a bit absurd. No airplane can apparently fly through this smoke? Yet we are led to believe almost every major aircraft is equipped with an auto pilot mechanism and I imagine some type of "windshield wipers". Set the plane's destination, flick on auto-pilot, and once you clear the smoke spray some Windex. Here's a coupon in case the industry is really struggling ( http://www.windex.com/coupon/outdoor-all-in-one-march09/).

I mean this isn't "Smocke" or the smoke monster from Lost were talking about here, just fly around it!

Enough is enough and it's time for a change!

ESPN is now the new MTV. MTV was once known for actually showing music videos, providing us with music news, and covering up and coming artists. Total Request Live (TRL) back in the day with Carson Daly even served it's purpose. Countdown the top 20 videos and have fan interaction. Soon after TRL, MTV changed its colors. Now all they show are reality-based programming such as The Hills, Jersey Shore, etc.

ESPN once strictly covered sports and only had SportsCenter to break up the non-stop coverage. It provided a great hourly recap of all the scores and highlights. It would be aired for 4-5 hours per day. Can you imagine they used to cover Surfing championships, Strongman competition, and the infamous RHI (Roller Hockey International). The Pittsburgh Phantoms hockey team actually existed. I remember watching these games as they were played in outdoor California with the sun beaming down. I imagined "heaven" must be a close second to that feeling.

Just as the age of innocence ended, so did ESPN's coverage of sports. ESPN now is littered with "talking head" shows, and continuous news coverage. Do we really need hours dedicated to Brett Favre's retirement, or Tiger Woods's black book (although I'd like to know who else was in that).

Sure they'll still cover the World Series of Poker, the WNBA, numerous tennis events, and perhaps even a body building championship. One has to ask are these even relevant anymore? I see those programs as a stock who's value has already peaked and is on the verge of crashing. Instead of the NHL Playoffs, they'd rather dedicate two hours to the rise and fall of Allen Iverson, Friday Night Fights and HIGH SCHOOL basketball.

"Throw me a frickin bone here" - Dr. Evil.

I know it's all about ratings, but can you really tell me these shows are gonna pull more viewers than the NHL? You can never convince me of that. I understand not covering every game of the regular season, but in the Playoffs you have the best 8 teams in each conference. There are major markets involved such as LA, DC, NY, Detroit, etc. The viewership is there and the only way to capitalize and make money off the NHL is to help grow interest.

"If you build it, he will come" - Field of Dreams

The Olympic Hockey games should serve as the strongest point in this case. The ratings were through the roof. People who didn't even recognize a single player on the US or Canadian team watched. You just need the proper build. There are numerous rivalries in place. Throw in some rock music and you have yourself an amazing montage. ESPN has about 4 different channels it could use for this coverage. To not even relegate Playoff hockey to ESPN 2 is just blatant disrespect!

"Enough is enough and it's time for a change!" - Owen Hart

Sugar we're going down swinging...

My roommate Gigs had questioned me the other night why I wanted the Caps to lose so badly. "Since you live in DC, you should support them", he quietly explained. Ah, behold the virgin mind of a sports fan. Many of you may be following this same logic. Luckily, you have your Ayatollah to explain to you the rules of a rivalry.

Rivalries are a tricky thing in sports. They can be based upon location, skill (being the top two teams), or constantly being matched-up. Exhibit A being an old school rivalry of the Lakers vs Celtics. This was a prominent 80's rivalry. These two teams were in separate conferences, yet maintained a physical hatred of each other. This was b/c they were the two most dominant teams in those 10 years, and each had the top player in the league. Magic vs Bird. It was as simple as that. They'd only play each other once during the season, and perhaps during the playoffs, but no rivalry contained more disdain towards each other.

Rivalries are what even our political system is based upon, Democrats vs Republicans. That rivalry is so deeply rooted in some peoples' minds, that it has reached the point where they don't even understand what the other party stands for. They simply hate them b/c of their affiliation with the opposing team.

Sorry, I'm getting entirely off topic. Yes, Gigs poses a great question, maybe I should be cheering for the Caps b/c I DO live in DC. While growing up, the Caps were the Penguins main competition in the Eastern Conference. The only team Pittsburgh fans hated more was Philadelphia (that's a whole separate column there). It seemed every year they'd meet in the playoffs, and I couldn't stand the team.

They wore the red, white and blue to try and gain American pride on their side. From Peter Bondra and Al Iafrate to Dale Hunter and Kevin Hatcher, they were the bane of my hockey existence. There is no way that moving 250 miles Southeast will ever change those feelings. Even if the Penguins are eliminated in the playoffs, my next favorite team is the one playing the Caps. That's what a true rivalry is about.

The Caps have put up better stats, taken individual awards from our guys, hell they even stole our best player one year (Jaromir Jagr). I will never in 100 years be able to fully support their team. That pain of one loss to them will be there for a lifetime. It will just add more ammo to the argument with an opposing fan.

A recent article I found hilarious discussed dating and rivalries. It asked people if they would ever consider dating someone who was a fan of their rival. Almost 20% said no. This is pretty high considering most people surveyed probably were just casual fans. I don't know if I could ever date a Penn State or Ravens fan. However, a Caps fan would be a different story b/c they actually watch hockey. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand the Caps from a fans perspective.

However, I will respect the hell out of their team. There is the key difference and underlying lesson. Just b/c someone is your hated enemy and rival, does not mean you disrespect their team and players. Magic showed that respect to Bird, Peyton Manning shows that respect to Tom Brady. I will respect any Caps team and fan, that acknowledges how good the Pens are. As the saying goes, "it makes for better business".

That's what it boils down to. The rivalry is great for the league, and they need more people who are that passionate towards their team. It's the main reason I always take jabs at Caps fans (yes Jane and Jen, that's you). I wouldn't be the type of fan I am without people like you. We both know the league wouldn't be as great without this type of passion.

Just imagine if politicians took to this type of thinking. Maybe more would get accomplished if they actually respected the other party instead of just hating them as a rival.

"If I can change, and you can change, then we all can change!"

-Rocky Balboa, right before the Cold War was altered.

At the red light, just waiting for green

As all of you know, DC has a pretty good metro-rail system in place that can get you anywhere. Now you may have to transfer twice and be on the train for over an hour, but I digress. It also seems, that DC is home to the most traffic, next to NYC and LA.

I've never had to drive in either of those cities, but I wanted to be the first to report a serious problem in DC. Apparently thieves are going around and breaking all driving-wheel levers!!! Turn signals on the black market are going for over $142 a piece!

This is the only explanation as to why people REFUSE to use their turn signal. Maybe that should be the new license plate motto, "DC, we refuse to use the turn signal!". Seinfeld has made many jokes about old people who just don't care anymore and drive recklessly, however this trend isn't limited to any particular race or age group.

Everywhere I drive whether it be in VA, MD, or DC, people just cut into lanes suddenly without ever signaling. Cutting into another lane with less than half a car length room is bad enough, but not using your signal makes it 10x worse. I can only draw the conclusion this is a key factor into why there are so many accidents.

My mind reading powers have weakened since college, so I can no longer predict that you'll just randomly jump in front of my car for no reason, other than to slam on your brakes.

I've now taken the approach at night at least, when someone does this, I will continually flash my high beams at them. If they dare stop and ask why I'll calmly reply, "I wanted to make sure my signals worked, b/c obviously yours are broken".

Enough of the whining

We'll file this under, hockey fans with no basis of knowledge. NHL fans outside of Pittsburgh constantly make the mistake of labeling Sidney Crosby a complainer or "whiner".

I'm willing to admit in his first two years in the league, he did complain a lot. This was more due to his age (18) and the fact he came from Juniors where hitting is more regulated. In the past two seasons, his complaining has dropped off the cliff faster than Wile E. Coyote. Sidney Crosby is the captain of the Pens and like it or not the league's franchise player. It's a fact across sports that star athletes get calls. Michael Jordan received about 1,000,000 in his favor, famously pushing off of Byron Russell to hit a game-winning shot against the Jazz. Kobe, LeBron, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, etc, all receive the benefit of the doubt.

As the Captain, he is also REQUIRED to speak to the referee concerning any penalties, goal disputes, or general discussion. Do not fault the fact he can actually communicate with the Refs, unlike Ovechkin.

Fans also take runs at him because he has "enforcers" on the team protecting him. This is also true, however every "GREAT" player has had one. Gretzky, Lemieux, Yzerman, Hull. The reason being the steady increase in the amount of cheap shots, which only tailed off after the Todd Bertuzzi incident (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz9RE9RGrVY).

The reason is simple, why wouldn't you want your top playmaker healthy and on the ice? Other teams will send guys after him constantly, either trying to check, injure, get him off his game. This includes goading him into a fight, 5 minutes without your best player is a huge disadvantage. It's simple math, without that playmaker, your team will win.

If you dig deeper into the facts, most of you will be surprised that Sid the Kid has been in TWICE as many fights as Ovechkin. Ovechkin also has been suspended TWICE as many times as Sid for hits that clearly had the intent to injure.

Call the league's premier playmaker what you want. He's not the next Lemieux or Gretzky, but he's a Hall of Fame talent regardless. The statistics do not lie. He is a more complete OVERALL player than Ovechkin or anyone else in the league. Constantly interacting with the Refs and understanding what they are looking for is a huge part of the game. Anyone that follows or plays knows this.

So rather than basing your complaint of Crosby whining on facts from years ago, why not face the current facts. In the past year he's lead his teams to a Stanley Cup and Gold Medal. I'll take that any day over a great goal scorer, who plays physical and borderline dirty. Knee-to-knee hits end careers, just ask Cam Neely.

If you don't know who he is, consider this your NHL history lesson.

The facts don't lie and neither do I.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

No it's not Christmas, March Madness, Sex and the City II, or even the Cherry Blossom festival. It's the NHL PLAYOFFS!!

You wouldn't know this if you only watch ESPN, b/c all they seem to care about is Tiger Woods and the NFL draft. This past weekend the only thing that exceeded their coverage of the Masters, was Tiger Woods.

Nevermind you, within 4 days, one of the Big Four sports are holding their road to the championship. It's quite simply a lack of respect for Puckheads everywhere.

Living in DC is great because their fans have become passionate about the Caps (I mean who wouldn't be after fighting to get on that bandwagon). It's a growing hockey hotbed, and I can only hope their team stays competitive and one day earns a Stanley Cup. Their racking up achievements this year and may even win some individual awards. That's great and all, but it won't bring you a visit from Lord Stanley.

The fans are becoming more rabid by the day, with so much support to "Rock the Red". If I didn't know better, I'd think that the Cold War erupted again, and I'm in Moscow. Honestly, since when do we as Americans support such an evil looking superstar in Alexander Ovechkin? Their opponents in the first round are the Montreal Canadians, ironically wearing Red, White and Blue as well. I will be cheering for them like they were Rocky Balboa vs Ivan Drago. I can just see Ovie standing over the Canadians goalie, looking at the camera while saying, "if he dies, he dies".

So let's all band together and cheer for the Canadians to rid us of these evil Russians and take back DC!!

Back to the Grind

What a crazy weekend it has been, especially in the sports world. I'll try to engulf all my thoughts in two postings today. First we'll start with the local (Pittsburgh) scene.

The first news story coming out of the Three Rivers was Santonio Holmes getting dealt, while teammates will welcome back Big Ben with open arms. Admittedly, Santonio has had his share of problems, mostly stemming from his use of marijuana. More recently he was in the news for supposedly throwing a glass at a woman. I'm a huge advocate of judging both men equally for their actions.

On one hand you have Big Ben, a man twice accused of sexually assaulting women, and once illegally driving and crashing his motorcycle. On the other, you have Santonio, user of an illegal drug and mistakenly thinking a glass was a grenade. The difference in the assault charges, is there was video evidence that quickly dismissed Santonio. Both of Ben's charges were investigated heavily by the DA, and at least the most recent case was dismissed.

Let's imagine I'm the owner of the Steelers for a minute. I'd get rid of Steely McBeam ASAP, hire some cheerleaders, and then get right to these guys. Based solely on their actions, I'm keeping Santonio 90 outta 100 times. The guy uses pot, which like it or not is become socially acceptable, and within a week is cleared by video evidence of throwing a glass. Big Ben Drunk, gets accused twice of abusing women (never acceptable), and nearly dies while crashing his bike (which he told Steelers Management he only owned a Harley).

News came flying through this morning of Santonio being dealt to the Jets for a 5th Round draft pick. Ultimately due to his off-the-field transgressions. I cannot believe this happened for many reasons. First, you deal him to a team within the AFC, and one that will no doubt be a top contender. Secondly, you receive the equivalent of a Happy Meal from McDonalds, in return for a perennial All-Star, and former Super Bowl MVP. Now, you'll have to waste a first round pick on another receiver, while your offense line continually deteriorates and suffers b/c of this. All the while, Big Ben Drunk, comes right back to his comfy position as Franchise Quarterback.

The Steelers used to be run as a well respected franchise. Now within the last three years, Ben, Santonio, Jeff Reed, James Harrison, and Cedric Wilson, all have had run-ins with the law. The Steelers are turning into the Cowboys whether you like it or not. If the Rooneys think by getting rid of Santonio, their name will be cleared, they're dead wrong. I will again reiterate the need to suspend Ben for several games. How many more chances can the guy get? Just b/c he's a "Franchise" QB, shouldn't mean he gets that many more shots over a Super Bowl MVP and leading receiver.

On to some better news...First, I know it's impossible to judge off of one game, but it appears the Penguins are back into playing shape, just in time for the playoffs. They've been missing for large stretches of the season, Sergei Gonchar, Evengi Malkin, and Chris Kunitz. Two of those guys are absolutely crucial to any power-play chances as well as establishing a solid second scoring line. Malkin came back yesterday, and as Jim Ross (JR) used to say, "business was about to pick up". He torched the Islanders for two goals and one assist, re-established the Pens might power-play, and developed a good repertoire with Sidney Crosby. Crosby had a monster night by adding two goals and three assists, while taking the Maurice "Rocket" Richard trophy in the process. I know you can't get too excited about the performance, especially against a team like the Isles, but it's definitely a great way to get the adrenaline and confidence soaring heading into the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Relationship Advice pt. 2

The second idea I heard proposed via talk radio is the idea of marriage, actually biding by contract terms. The whole process of marriage is becoming more and more like sports anyways. When you're in your twenties, think of yourself as a scout. You head to different areas to check out the local prospects. Make them take the Wonderlic exam (intelligence), check their physical prowess (obvious), and how much up-side they bring to the table. You have to make sure they don't have any prior drug issues or are considered a Diva/locker room enigma.

Finally, you make your selection (marriage) and hope all goes well. If not you end up with a bust, which you spend your hard earned cash on, and you look back thinking why didn't I drop down a bit to select that other woman....err prospect.

Now comes the curveball. Say things are working out great with that prospect, but after 3-5 years, you start taking them for granted. They may start looking elsewhere because of them feeling unappreciated or undervalued. To prevent this, a famous actor came up with the theory that marriage should be treated exactly like a contract. You get married and sign on together for a 5 or possibly 10 year deal. Things go well, you still love each other, there's no Tiger Woodsing going on, then you both can opt to renew the contract. Sign on for more of a long-term deal if you want to take that risk, or a short-term one if you're worried about missing out on upcoming drafts.

However, if you're treating her like garbage, she opts out after 5 years, receives a buy-out (settlement), no hard feelings and life moves on. This would greatly reduce the divorce rate because it would be treated more like long-term dating.

When you first start dating, things are amazing b/c you're both trying to impress your potential suitor. It's only once you start settling (taking plays off) do the arguments and break-ups occur. This contract would "force" couples to treat every year like it's that first year. If you really love that person, you don't want them to leave after the 5-10 year contract is up. Then again you'll get those people who "dog it" for the first 4 years, then have a monster contract year. This leads to them over-inflating their value. Next, some poor guy will treat her too well, and within the year, realize he paid too high of price on the next Ryan Leaf.

Then again, what do I know about dating, I'm no Mel Kiper Jr.

Relationship Advice pt. 1

Now that you're done laughing, b/c I'm the last person who should be giving this advice, I heard a few ideas discussed via radio that made me think.

The first was this idea that the radio station 99.5 in DC is promoting. It's a party this Friday, in which you attend the along with an EX of yours. You bring this "date" to pretty much ditch them at the door. The idea is called "Treasure & Trash" b/c one person's trash is another's.....treasure, now you got it. It's an idea that is almost too ingenious to think that it hasn't been replicated before.

You know everyone at this place is single, which already takes away the first giant question from when you approach someone in any other environment. This event could either be a huge success or the first riot held indoors. As great as the idea of being surrounded by countless singles may be, there is also the flip side. What happens if every female bring the equivalent of "Ronnie" and every guy brings "Snookie". Suddenly you're surrounded by the raging, extremely jealous, not-quite-over their EX, crowd.

Ding-ding, someone grab Michael Buffer and LLLLLLLETT'S GET RRRRRRRRRRRREEEADY TO RRRRRUMMMMMMMBLE!!

Did I mention there are free drinks? So the party will either become the world's largest orgy or WWF Royal Rumble x100. For less than $20, it'd be worth just going to view the debacle.

Was the wrong QB sent packing from PA?

By now everyone has had time to digest the news of Donovan McNabb being traded by the Eagles for what equates to a lap dance. You (the Eagles) go into it thinking it's a great idea, after those 5 minutes are done (2010 Season), you're left thinking, that was a terrible idea and I wish I had my $25 (McNabb) back.

McNabb is without a doubt a top 5 QB in the NFC and a top 10 QB in the NFL. You don't go giving that away to a division rival. It's like landing that Model girlfriend, and then just telling your best friend he can date her instead. You're gonna have to face your stupidity over and over. Sure Kevin Kolb is touted by the "experts" to be very accurate, and obviously can throw for a lot of yards. That's the NFL equivalent to being told you have a "nice" personality.

People will argue that McNabb couldn't win the big game. The way I see it, is he is the second coming of John Elway. A scrambler, with a good arm, who consistently wins, but has been missing one glaring part to capture that Super Bowl. For Elway it was a running game, until Terrell Davis came along. For McNabb, it was a star Wide Receiver. He had it for one season with TO and nearly beat the Patriots to win that Lombardi Trophy. Again haters will say DeSean Jackson was that star receiver, but he's basically a speed-demon, deep threat, not the beast of a possession receiver you need to win.

McNabb's line also has been falling to pieces over the past 3 years, which definitely didn't help things. I see no reason the Eagles should not give him another year or two with the help he needs and see what happens.

I would NOT have minded seeing the departure of Ben Roethlisberger though. The guy is becoming more and more of a cancer on this Steelers team. Yet the media who tears McNabb apart, spins it so Ben is the victim. The guy has two pending cases against him on sexual assault allegations. In addition, he famously crashed and nearly died in a motorcycle accident, b/c he wasn't wearing a helmet. On top of that he was driving illegally! Yes, he has won two Super Bowls, and yes, he seemingly is a great motivator and makes some amazing, albeit crazy plays. However, if you actually dissect those Super Bowl wins he was lucky to win either game.

Just b/c he wins doesn't mean he should be given multiple get out of jail free passes. If you let him "cheat" and get away with it, of course he's gonna do it more in the future. As I mentioned in a previous article it's cryptic how all the evidence in the most recent case was "taped over" or lost. Dealing with Ben I gotta imagine is like dating that model girlfriend again, but this time she's a complete nutcase. Sure the looks are amazing (stats), but you gotta start thinking when is enough.....enough.

Maybe the wrong QB was exiled from Pennsylvania, I guess it all depends on your view of that Model sitting next to you.

Hot town summer in the city....

The gorgeous weather outside brings about many things in the DC area; girls in dresses, cherry blossom festival, baseball, girls in skirts, outdoor markets, girls in anything short, and of course the heat!.

Now normally warm weather is a great thing and I'd never think of complaining about DC weather, especially after coming from a place where we had the 2nd FEWEST amount of sunny days. Something just needs to be done as a pre-caution for other Metro riders. They need to enforce a policy that you may not enter a metro without some form of deodorizer. Whether that be deodorant, perfume, cologne, body spray, SOMETHING for god's sake.

Being on the Redline and them not having any air circulation (another mystery) and standing next to someone who's been walking/running all day and clearly didn't think to apply anything that morning, almost made me view my breakfast again. I cannot fathom what goes through someone's head where they go outside without it. I mean in winter you bundle up, and there are many layers for the odor to penetrate through. In the summertime, when people have their arms up, there is no protection between you and the Venomous fumes.

Instead of having all these billboards for laptops and what not, they should have huge ads for Sure!. Remember those old commercials (Sure sure sure...Unsure?). It should even go so far as to have a guard-dog there whose sole responsibility is to smell people. Train the dog to go ballistic when someone approaches the station without the necessary protection.

It's not rude to tell a friend if they stink, you're saving them from embarrassing themselves in society. It's no different than fresh breath, so keep that can of spray handy and arm yourselves against the criminals of the world!

Weekend Adventures!

So it's been awhile since I posted anything, and for that I apologize. The numbness from being in NC settled in and robbed me of any creativity. Now don't get me wrong, Jacksonville is a great small town. Great weather, 30 minutes from the beach, every steakhouse/BBQ restaurant one could dream of. However, there isn't anything to do, and if you're not a Marine or Marine wife, you get odd looks from the locals.

NC is a fantastic state, it's one of the few places where speeding is almost encouraged. Countless times traveling on their back roads and even I-295 did I feel like Jeff Gordon was flying behind my car and about to bump me off the road. It's an exhilarating feeling, except when you're battling their Ford Mustang with a Chevy Cobalt. It's a losing battle, but goddammit I tried!!

The other great part about having a rental car with pre-paid insurance, is you can drive that thing into the ground. Quick braking, pedal to the metal mentality, and driving with the windows open when its 80 degrees out is an amazing experience as well. All in all, it wasn't that bad of a trip, just the 7 hours of driving each way can bore one to tears, b/c the only stations they get down there are country, gospel, and more religious radio. And no I'm talking about "Jesus Walks" by Kanye.